I am constantly amazed by this beast, these sets of negotiations, these near misses and blatant collisions referred to as the human condition. I will be honest in saying I have come nowhere near figuring it all out. Like a lab rat that keeps going back to the electroshock, I still have an insatiable fascination.
Clearly, life has taught me lessons. Clearly, there are many that have not stuck. Here is a lesson I learned. One that took several years.
This post is concerned with my process. A process of honesty. A process of self examination. One that spits you out the other side resulting in an undiluted vision; a fearless abandon to take the next steps. One that finally dawned on me.
This image has always been arresting to the people I have shared it with. I could never put my finger on why. To me, the whole thing seemed perfunctory. I did this because I was working towards making a life dream a reality. When I had painted this picture I was at the end of a relationship with someone I was deeply in love with. At this particular point in our lives what we had did not match our expectations. She appears startled, not comfortable with the situation she is in; for me I guess the same. There is a noticeable tension between the subject and the environment. It is something that happens all the time.
Looking back on it all, it finally dawned on. There is no need to dig for deeper meanings. No need to prove a point or find something to say. It is already there. I have said this so many times (add nauseum) that what makes good art is to depict life. That which is. It doesn’t really work when you find a model and paste a meaning on top of it. It never comes across the same way. I have learned to let go. I have learned to fear less, and dare I say, to want more. I have learned how to tell a story.